Don't Ruin your sex drive
Worried your lifestyle could destroy your sex life? I’m not going to be a harbinger of doom and tell you that you need to shape up or give up. Nor am I one of those ‘sexperts’ who’ll give you ‘one weird trick’ to spice up your sex life. What I can do though, is tell you as honestly as I can that all of us go through ups and downs when it comes to our sexual desire.
As someone who has made enough sexual mistakes for ten lifetimes, consider me more like a cautionary tale. I have a high sex drive, but I also have some pretty bad habits that have a tendency to kill my sex drive if not kept in check. Hopefully, my own mistakes can give you some food for thought, and help you work out whether there are bad habits of your own that are making your life tricky.
What are things likely to kill your sex drive?
Ever since I started masturbating I’ve had a high sex drive – probably long before that, to tell the truth, I just didn’t have the right words to express or understand it. So when I hear about things that are likely to kill sex drive, my first reaction is ‘pah! This kryptonite won’t work on me!’
But according to experts, there are plenty of bad habits I have which may mean my libido – high as it is – is lower than it could be if I knocked them on the head.
Lack of sleep can destroy sex drive
You’d think staying up late would mean more time to get it on, but in fact, research has shown that low libido often correlates with a lack of decent sleep. I’ve always been partial to an early night, whether it’s for kinky games after lights-out or just to make sure I don’t look like a dog that’s been run over in the morning. But the problem is that these days there’s just so much to do.
So much work, socializing, not to mention the million and one box sets that I ‘absolutely must watch.’ As a result, I’m rarely in bed before one in the morning, and I’m up at 7 am. Bleary-eyed and weary, and apparently less interested in sex than I could be.
Poor diet and lack of exercise
This is the generic ‘silver bullet’ recommended by any armchair internet doctor who wants to give people unsolicited health advice. Google any problem, from ‘sex drive’ to ‘erectile dysfunction’ and you’ll find someone sipping a kale smoothie and telling you it’s because you eat badly.
It’s hard advice to take, but in my case it’s true. Chalk it up to the work and the stress, but I’m far more likely to end the evening with a ready meal or a takeaway than a freshly-caught salmon. And apparently, my penchant for cheesy chips over salad is having a negative effect on my sex drive.
Destroy sex drive by overthinking sex
Hands up, this is my worst habit. As a sex blogger, it’s my job to think about sex pretty much constantly. That’s why I picked it as my job, after all: I figured if I was doing it any way I may as well get paid. But great sex is a bit like a really funny joke – sometimes overanalyzing it kills what made it good in the first place.
If you’re putting too much pressure on yourself in the bedroom, or you’re worried that you’re not living up to the sexual rockstar status you’d really like to have, then stressing out can only make things worse. Which brings me on to the final – and most important – the thing that can kill sex drive: mental health.
Anxiety, depression and sex drive
Full disclosure: I have anxiety. Not ‘get slightly stressed about things’ anxiety, but full-on ‘doctor told me I was messed up’ anxiety. I have regular panic attacks, and I struggle sometimes with the easiest tasks because my brain runs through all the possible ways in which a simple activity such as making coffee for a friend could turn out to be calamitous.
Anxiety can sometimes kill sex drive stone dead. It is, after all, difficult to get really into a hot sex session if your brain is working overtime to run through all the things you haven’t done yet which are vital to your life. It’s also tricky to get spanked when you’re hyperventilating in a small ball on the floor. Depression can have similar effects – it’ll often destroy sex life as it smothers the rest of your life under a blanket of trouble.
So what’s the solution? Well, unfortunately, there’s no magic pill that will restore your sex drive instantly – but there are plenty of places you can turn to for help if you’re in a similar situation. Whether it’s depression and sex drive or anxiety-related woe, the first port of call should be your doctor. They can talk you through a variety of different options, such as medication or therapy. In some areas, doctors are trialing prescribing gym memberships for people who believe that exercise (which releases serotonin and endorphins) can be beneficial to their mental health.
I’m not a doctor, so I won’t tell you what you need to do, but I will tell you that one of the first steps for me in helping to boost my sex drive, after months of panicking and stress, was to talk to my doctor.
If you’re worried that something in your life is threatening to kill your sex drive, the first thing to do is take a deep breath, work out what you want, and ask for some help to get it.