This article was first published on August 8th, 2016
Friends with Benefits
Are you considering entering into a “friends with benefits” relationship? The thought is pretty appealing.
Having no strings attached sex with someone who you like enough to sleep with, but that you don’t necessarily want to spend forever with sounds good, right?
If you want to find a fuck buddy, you need to know what you’re getting into, and you need to know where the pitfalls lie. You want hot sex, damn it! Not confusion, disappointments and awkward exchanges. Read on to discover how to get the most from your FWB (Friends With Benefits) relationship.
DO make sure that you’re emotionally ready for your Friends with Benefits Relationship
No strings attached sex may be just what you need, but being ready emotionally for this kind of relationship is essential for you both. If your head is all over the place because you’re getting over an ex or you’ve had recent relationship problems. Chances are, a friend with benefits kind of setup is just going to end in disaster for one of you, or maybe even both of you. Casual sex can be emotionally tough!
DO be safe!
I hope it’s obvious, but in case it’s not, always make sure you practice safe sex and use condoms! Little mini-me’s from a FWB thing isn’t a good idea, but if you think that’s the worst that could happen, you’re very wrong.
STI’s are not something you want to be risking in any relationship, let alone a casual one. Share the fun, share awesome sex, but keep your bodily fluids to yourself! Condoms are literally lifesavers.
DO be realistic about your relationship
Tell each other what you want and lay down some basic ground rules before you start laying down on each other. Sounds simple enough, but it will save you lots of mess and confusion later on. If feelings or emotions start to change, be honest about it straight away.
Make sure you’re honest about what you DO want, sex-wise!
The whole point of an FWB relationship is sex, right? So there’s no sense in keeping quiet about what gets your engine purring or about what you expect from your new lover. Communicate well and you’ll fornicate even better!
Make sure you DO both get something from the relationship
Seriously, don’t be a selfish idiot. Don’t have your fun then jump off and go home without a care for the pleasure of your playmate. You both need to get enjoyment from it, and it’s not a job well done unless you’re both in a sweaty heap afterward, basking in orgasmic bliss. Friends with benefits rules state, well, that there should be benefits, for both of you!
DO keep it private
Your parents don’t need to know who’s putting the smile on your face, and neither does the whole of Facebook or Twitter. People will only interfere and say things like ‘Ooh, seeing them is really suiting you, you look so happy these days’, or other similarly annoying things like it.
They’ll start to get nosey and want to know the in’s and out’s, and frankly, the in’s and the out’s shouldn’t be up for public discussion! Keep them to yourself; you’ll be pleased you did.
DO know that it won’t last forever
Why? Because it just won’t. Well, not without crossing over into a proper full on relationship anyway. If they meet someone new, accept it, and hope that they will do the same if it’s you who finds love elsewhere first.
DON’T fall in love!
This really should be rule number one. You’re not in it to find a soul mate; you’re in it to enjoy being bang buddies, and nothing more … if this changes, you better speak up fast, before things get ugly.
It’s a waste of perfectly good sex time for a start! Besides that though, it confuses the boundaries of your FWB relationship and leads to you becoming actual honest-to-good friends, and that isn’t good. Sex – that’s all you want and need from your arrangement, so stay in the bedroom and shag it out.
DON’T share too much intimacy
Cuddles, whispered sweet nothings and waking up in the arms of your lover are all awesome, but they’re not really appropriate in your casual relationship setup. In fact, maybe look at it as more of a friendship than a relationship; don’t go leaving a spare toothbrush or a change of clothes at their place … it’ll kill the fun.
DON’T get jealous!
Who cares if they don’t want to take you to bed tonight because they’re off out with someone else? If you care, it’s likely that the lines are blurring and you’re stepping into romantic relationship territory, and it’s going to get messy!
It’s none of your business what they get up to, is it? They’re not answerable to you, and you need to remember that.
DON’T play too close to home
Hooking up with your next-door neighbor or a friend of a friend is probably not the best idea you’ve ever had. Things will get awkward – you really don’t need to know what your FWB gets up to when they’re not bedding you, and if they’re too close to you in ‘real life’, that’s hard to escape. Not cool. Oh, and stay away from your exes, they’re an ex for a reason!
DON’T expect hearts and flowers
You’re not in a real relationship; so don’t expect any of the little things you might get if you were an actual couple. If you’re after the bells and whistles, you’re looking in the wrong place.
DON’T see each other too often!
Casual … Booty call … No strings attached – Nothing about that says you need to live in each other's pockets and be at it like rabbits seven days a week. Keeping it cool will keep the spark fresh and exciting, and it’ll also stop you from becoming dependent on your little rendezvous!
Oh, and I almost forgot the most important thing – DO HAVE FUN! It’s what it’s all about.
Written byCarnal Queen
The Carnal Queen is a sex-positive blogger with a real passion for all things sex.
She has been reviewing adult products for a number of years under a couple of pseudonyms and has developed a real love for sharing her opinions and helping others to make informed sex toy purchases.