Making your own Male Masturbator
If you are of the frugal persuasion and you like to spice up your fappingz, you have some options available.
Today we will be explaining how to make your own UBER CHEAP male masturbator.
Don’t expect it to bring you heavenly delight, but when attacked with enough aggression or a vice grip, you will be able to bust a nut in this super basic Male Masturbator.
Beware! This timeless classic is sure to make your fap-session extra messy!
1. The Mise en Place
You will need:
- A Penis
- A Tub of 1 dollar Vaseline
- At least 6 rubber bands
- An unpowdered Latex Glove
- A Soft towel
You can slightly moisten the towel and put in in the microwave for 15 seconds to warm it up.
But be careful not to use it without testing if it has cooled down enough. You can lick it to see if it is safe for your willy yet.
Remember the golden rule of thumb to never put your penis into anything you are not willing to lick with your tongue.
And obviously, if you are allergic to latex,…. don’t use a latex glove.
2. Place the Glove
Place the glove on a towel that has been folded 2 times. Place it in such a fashion that the entrance to the glove is a good inch and a half above where the towel starts.
3. Roll that Thang the f00k up!
Roll the towel firmly around the glove. Don’t roll it too tightly, don’t roll it too loosely. Check if the glove still sticks out from the top of the towel.
4. Fold back the Glove
Fold the opening of the glove over the rim of the towel. If you have rolled up the towel tight enough, the glove will easily comply.
5. Tighten to your Liking
Use the rubber bands along the length of the shaft to tighten the experience to your liking.
Start with a few at first. After you have penetrated your makeshift male masturbator you can always opt to use more.
6. Lube it up!!
Put a generous amount of vaseline inside your low-end orkish glove sleeve. If you don’t like vaseline, and you are willing to fuck up your carpets and furniture, you could use baby oil or vegetable oil.
If you don’t mind smelling rancid you could even choose butter or margarine to slick this unsightly beauty up.
You are now ready to pump this amateurish male masturbator until it comes apart
Location Location Location
Here are some nice suggestions on where to stick it for a less conventional experience!
1. The Fridge
If you stick it in the fridge you can dose the amount of pressure in your toy, tightening the DIY f00khole with the slightest of efforts.
If you are into controlled pain, try various speeds of slamming the door shut while inserted into your frugal male masturbator.
If you hurt yourself, you are solely to blame for your misfortune, I mean,.. who slams a door shut on their family jewels just because a degenerate blogger from Amsterdam suggests it.
Seriously,… I can not be held responsible for you wanking like a jackass ;)
2. Doggy Style
Fancy kneeling down? Stick your mega messy sleeve in a desk cabinet or between the pillows of a couch.
3. Collaborative Masturbation
Approach a coworker, roommate or your partner and ask if they are willing to hold the sleeve for you while you thrust away!
Make sure to get consent first! Be kind when you make this indecent proposal because you might get pimp-slapped, nut-punched or roshambo’d for it.
The Pro’s and Cons
– Extremely Cheap
– It can be dismantled and does not need to be hidden
– Soft and Moist
– Fun to annoy colleagues with
– Can’t hold a candle to a real Male Masturbator
– Extremely messy. You will get vaseline in your pubes.
– Insanely messy. You will drip oil all over your furniture
– Comes apart when pumped too vigorously
– Doesn't feel like a vagina, mouth, rectum or armpit at all.
– You will look extremely silly fucking a glove. That takes away from the immersion when watching teh Smutz0r
If you are done fucking about….. and you are looking to go pro. If you want the real deal. And no half-assed surrogate. If you want to pump and edge, pump and edge and pump and edge some more….
You will need to graduate to a real male masturbator. A high-end Sex Toy for Men. A Male Sex Toy crafted by the elite designers of Kiiroo and Fleshlight.
A truly artisanal product from the minds of the Sex Tech visionaries from Amsterdam and Austin.
A toy that can make you erupt in blissful ecstasy. A pleasure product is so good and so sweet that it will cradle your penis into liquid delight!
If you want fully immersive interactive porn, there are only two roads worth exploring...