This July and August Kiiroo will be running a series of Guest Blogs written by prominent #Sex #Sexuality and #SexTech enthusiasts.
In this first publication we feature the Carnal Queen’s take on Prostate Play.
All opinions expressed are solely those of the author and may or may not reflect Kiiroo’s vision and moral stance.
You’re in a healthy, loving relationship, you’ve investigated the world of sex toys and discovered what they can do for you, both during solo and couple play.
You feel guilty for stealing all of the ‘pleasure limelight’ and want to expand the horizons of your man, you want him to experience pleasure at a different level, so you suggest he explores the possibility of prostate play … but he’s having none of it! I hear you girls! Isn’t it frustrating?
It’s 2015, and prostate play is still sadly shrouded in taboo. Maybe they’re scared it will hurt? Perhaps they’re embarrassed at the thought of their partners poking around down ‘there’? Some definitely associate it with being gay – Wake up and smell the coffee, you are what you are, engaging in butt play isn’t going to change that! Thankfully, there are more and more men who are enjoying gratification from prostate stimulation, but we want every man to open their minds (and their ass-holes) to it, to discover something new, something exciting!
So, what can we do about it? Well, firstly, you’ve got to be prepared to take things really slowly, and go right back to the beginning – strapping him to the bed face down and lubing up an enormous butt plug isn’t going to help the situation! Some men are so turned off to the idea of acknowledging their prostates, they don’t even know what purpose they serve … does your man know what it’s even there for? If he doesn’t, then a bit of subtle education will certainly help. Knowledge is power, or so they say. The prostate gland is a really important part of his reproductive system, and we want him to learn to love it! When he starts to see it as more of a sexual organ, he may start to understand how it can provide pleasure and become more open to the possibility, of (one day) exploring it further.
Secondly, don’t pester or annoy him about it! If you’ve got him talking, or at least listening about prostate play, you don’t want to scare him off now. Have you heard the phrase “What’s good for the goose is good for the gander”? Yeah, well don’t go quoting that at him, he won’t thank you for it. It’s true, many men will happily encourage you to partake in butt fun whilst still being horrified at the thought of doing it themselves, but telling them that they should be able to take what they give isn’t helpful! Accept that he sees things differently to you, and that it might take some time to get him to look at thing from a different perspective.
Finding reviews for anal toys that have been written by men might be extremely useful. There is a great network of sex bloggers out there who write excellent reviews and guides on all thing sex, so make use of them. Introducing him to the work of a heterosexual male blogger may help if he feels that butt play will somehow make him less of a man – it’s incredible to think that people still feel like that in this day and age, but sadly it does happen! There’s no shame in it whatsoever, and whilst we have come a long way in changing peoples perceptions, we still have a long way to go in certain areas.
Do you want to know what worked for me? Because yes, even though I’m a sex blogger, with a collection of sex toys to put many sex toy shops to shame, my own partner was very much against any form of anal play (on him) and I felt like I was banging my head against a brick wall for a very long time. In truth, it was probably a combination of things. We’d talked about it, I’d tried to dispel the negative thoughts he had and I answered any questions that arose. I got frustrated with him, which was really wrong, and I’d tried to approach it in a more playful and jokey way – nothing was working. In the end, I bought him a silicone beginners butt plug, a curved one, in the hope it would hit the spot. I told him what I’d done, and that there was absolutely no pressure on him, it was just there if he ever decided to try it. I left it, along with some sex toy cleaner and some water based lubricant, in our bathroom, I thought he’d probably prefer to try it in private to begin with, if at all. Then I forgot all about it …
I think it took about a month, and then one night he appeared from the bathroom at bedtime walking a bit like John Wayne, and I knew he’d taken the plunge. He said a huge part of him had done it for me, because he knew I really wanted him to try it, but it wasn’t as scary as he’d imagined! Who knew? The plug didn’t hit his spot, unfortunately, but it didn’t have any negative effects either, and he wore it happily through us having sex that night. That was the first step for us, and it was a monumental one. I think it’ll be a while before I’m parading around the boudoir with a ten inch strap on, looking for some pegging action, but we might well get there eventually!
Don’t give up on them girls, they can be very stuck in their ways! Slowly, slowly does it, and one day he might experience that other level of pleasure associated with prostate play.
And if he won’t change his mind? Well, that’s his prerogative, and something which you may just have to accept – but you’ll still love him anyway, right?