I grew up in a household where sex was a subject that wasn’t talked about.
My family isn’t religious and we are the furthest from prim and proper. When it came to the topic of sex though, it was something that was never discussed over the breakfast table.
After a week of trying to turn my thoughts into words, I have compiled a list of things I wish I had been told before having sex, in the hope of helping others. So gather around the figurative breakfast table and prepare to take in more than you ever expected.
Your first time is never going to be the best time. There’s no such thing as losing your virginity and having the best time. Sex is messy, awkward at times and definitely laughable. Just as long as you and your partner(s) are having fun, you’ll learn what works and what doesn’t.
Never hold back on telling your partner(s) what feels good and what doesn’t. If you can’t talk about sex with the people you’re having it with then you probably shouldn’t be having it.
The person you lose your virginity to does not own you, they do not have control over you and you don’t have to thank them for “helping” you.
If he tells you it’s “too small” proceed to unwrap the condom onto his foot to prove that he’s a lying sack of garbage.
When you put on a condom, there’s a chance you’ll lose your erection. The more you focus on it the faster your penis will shrink. It’s best to have your partner stimulate another area of your body while applying the condom to keep you aroused.
Condoms suck. Almost no one likes them but they save lives and prevent disease. Wrap. It. Up.
Look out for the wet patch once the party has ended and pray you don’t end up sleeping in it.
There will be smells and noises you never thought could be a thing, but they exist and they will change you.
If your guy doesn’t smell his freshest downstairs, say something! If you plan on spending a decent amount of time down there, you’re going to want it smelling like heaven, not a wet dog.
4. Butt Stuff
When you “douche” you will immediately feel like you’re going to lose control of your body. Given that you’ve just sprayed water into your butt, you’ll definitely want to make it to the toilet as fast as possible.
If you don’t warm up your butthole before being penetrated, you’ll be in for a world of hurt. Try a finger or a small toy and plenty of lube.
Shit happens. It’s a butt and we all know what their primary use is. Just be prepared.
5. The More You Know
There can never be too much lube. Lube is a godsend when it comes to butt stuff, never forget it.
Just because you like butt stuff doesn’t mean you have to always be the bottom and to all those “strict” tops out there, taking it up the butt just once won’t change the fact that you’ve got “masc 4 masc” on your Grindr profile.
Sex on a full stomach does not make a good time. If you plan on bottoming, be cautious of what you eat, it’s always best to plan ahead.
When it comes to sex, if you’re comfortable, happy and feeling safe; everything will work out and be okay.
If you go into sex expecting perfection though, you will be sadly mistaken.
Sex isn’t supposed to be perfect. There will be times when you want to laugh; your partner(s) will say things that will make you giggle.
Embarrassing things can happen and you will want to bury your head in the sheets and that’s completely normal.
The most important thing to know about sex though is that every experience will be different and exciting. Each time you have sex, you will learn something new about yourself and your partner(s), you’ll figure out what feels good, what doesn’t feel good, what gets you excited and what gets you off.
Don’t feel bad if all of these things don’t happen the first, second, third or even tenth time you have sex, everyone moves at their own pace and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that.
Just never forget the lube. Ever.
Xander from GayInTheMiddle