Pornhub Comments

I’ll hold my hands up and say that I don’t often venture into the bizarre world of the Pornhub comments section, or Pornhub in general. Call me old-fashioned but I’m the kind of gal who likes to pay for her smut (especially if there’s VR or sex tech involved).

However, if there’s one thing that’s definitely worth venturing into the depths of Pornhub for it’s the comments.

Amidst the usual confessions of horny patrons with a healthy confidence in their sexual desires (and not-so-great comments from people who might need to check their racism/sexism), there are some real moments of comedy gold. And, luckily for you, I’ve taken the time to find some of the best and most current available.

So get ready to be perplexed as we look at 20 bizarre & hilarious Pornhub comments that you have to read to believe.

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1. The Plot Enthusiast

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According to Pornhub’s statistics, the average user only stays on the site for 9 minutes 16 seconds in total. Given this, I think it’s fair to assume that the average user simply goes to find what they like, get their freak on, and then get on with their day. But not everyone…

Some people want more than just excitement—they want laughs, passion, intrigue. At least that’s the case for sumo88, who seemed to be expecting a bit more depth from their chosen content. Chin up sumo88! At least it was a good threesome.

2. The Set Browser

Pornhub Comments 2

Another stickler for details, Krab-Face seem to have spent most of their viewing time looking at the set around the performers rather than enjoying what’s on display.

Perhaps with such a good eye for detail, they can pursue their own career in set-piece design (although it doesn’t look like they’re too keen on the idea).

3. Not The Comforters!

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We all have something that will instantly kill the mood for us.
For Dayspring the mere sight of massage oil on the couch is tantamount to heresy. I mean, it won’t come out! Do they even know what they’re doing!?!
Let’s just hope that Dayspring managed to find a less messy video to satisfy their needs.

4. Dildo Newbies

Pornhub Comments 4

The blowjob scene for this video was top notch, but more than a few patrons seemed perplexed by the performer’s use of a dildo. Dzhastyn seems particularly tentative about the whole thing whereas eshaw looks like they’ve had their whole worldview questioned.

Dzhastyn, eshaw, and the many other users who put down similar comments have clearly never had the experience of their partner using the Kiiroo Pearl in the same way.

5. Breaking and Entering

Pornhub Comments 5

People don’t take enough time to simply stop and think about the subtle nuances of mainstream porn. Thankfully 20133172 is here to rectify this horrendous oversight.
Asking the questions we didn’t even know we wanted to ask they bring up a very good point. Why are so many porn stars part-time home invaders too?

As they didn’t get a satisfying answer it seems we will never know.

6. Dubious Dark Knights

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This viewer just wants a bit more accuracy in their Dark Knight parody porn.
I mean, C'mon! If cosplayers can get it right then so can the porn industry!

7. TetrisSlut

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This user’s (glorious) name says it all really. Here we have a Tetris Slut—someone who isn’t afraid to let the whole world know that they can only get off to Tetris (or the Pornhub comment’s section, at least).

Stair Bannister Anal Insertion almost presented a new avenue for exploration but, alas, it was not meant to be.
Keep on wanking, TetrisSlut, I think you’re awesome.

8. Hold The Door

Pornhub Comments 8

Before 22 May 2016, a simple comment such as ‘Hold the door’ in a porn video would have just been one more bit of dialogue.
But now the remark sends Game of Thrones fans everywhere huddling under their duvets and eating a tub of ice cream to help hold back the tears.

Spoiler alert: Hodor dies. And, if HourOfTheWolff’s comments are anything to go by, it seems not everyone is over it yet.

Little Fingers, Little…?

Pornhub Comments 9

On a similar vein ciasteelbane911 just wants people to know how much affinity her feels with his favorite GoT character.

Still, I’d be careful with comments like that. I don’t know if it’s a cultural thing or not but where I’m from saying you have little hands is akin to saying you’re little in other places too…

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10. Book Worms

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I’ll admit—I have a soft spot for beautiful old books. As such I can totally relate to the distress felt by Chet_Manley1, guitargregs, and ImeTheBrave when some suitably antique tomes get chucked off of a table so two women can receive a hard fuck.

At least we have some solidarity in the comments section. Now, I wonder what they did with the books after they were done… Sure hope the pages aren’t sticky.

11. Disgruntled Pizza Custodians

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The pizza delivery fantasy is a timeless classic in the world of porn. But, as with all things, there’s an art to getting it just right.
For pomato457 one video was well-and-truly ruined by the lack of care given to the poor pizza by its raunchy delivery girl.

It seems like in pomato457’s opinion, Riley Reid might be better off sticking to the porn rather than taking a career move into the delivery business.

Just Two?

Pornhub Comments 12

When ImNotMe declares their love of three things on the pun-filled parody vid, The Doctor Whore, HotspurCock decides to share their favorite things in life too.
But, wait…isn’t that comment missing one of the crucial elements? Like, maybe, the porn?

Well, I guess two outta three ain’t bad.

13. High Definition or GTFO

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Some people want their smut in the finest form available. There’s a lot of detail to take in, after all, and who would even dream of getting off to it in low definition nowadays?

Feeling disgruntled and misled, legolaswelf rightly voices their disdain at the deceptive use of a HD thumbnail on a 480p video.

I mean, who wouldn’t? Right?

14. Headset Essential

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VR has opened up amazing new avenues for porn, but it does help if you have the right equipment.

Take it from AceOfCock, who really does need to invest in a headset.

In the meantime at least that cardboard goggle is giving those arm muscles a balanced workout.

A Poet

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I’m not sure if this comment is funny or not, but it certainly made me chuckle. If only because it’s so rare to see such a wonderfully poetic and succinct declaration of admiration.

I appreciate your creative flare Doomsdave.

Queen Fans

Pornhub Comments 16

Everyone loves Queen. But it’s fair to say there’s a time and a place to start rocking out to one of their powerful ballads.

Yolanalo does not know that time and place. Or, if they do, they’re one cheeky troll.

Needless to say, futuroxxx did not appreciate their shenanigans.

17. Pokemon No

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With the popularity of Pokemon GO is it any wonder that Pornhub have already got ample material for the aspiring Pokemon Master?

But, much as with our Batman fan, some people just can’t get off unless things are accurate.

I couldn’t agree more pussyfk. Trainers have got to earn that evolution.

18. Gamer ‘Gasms

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From one Nintendo property to another, it seems like some people are just really looking forward to the Nintendo Switch (and already have ideas about its best use).

Credit to BillBosby for his comment too. Breaking down heteronormative barriers one Pornhub comment at a time.

Not Quite There Yet

Pornhub Comments 19

Let us all spare a thought for dear innocent tofuzs, who hasn’t quite figured this whole porn thing out yet.

Take MusicxxxAddicted’s advice. It’s good.

20. Aaaand, finally…

Pornhub Comments 20

This comment pretty much sums up the entirety of Pornhub.
Need I say more?

So what are some of the funniest or weirdest comments you’ve seen on Pornhub? How did these ones compare? Let us know and maybe we’ll get another compilation together. Until then go and treat yourself to some high-quality smut. You deserve it.

Written by:

Emmeline Peaches
Follow Emmeline on Twitter

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