I’d say most of us, if not all of us, have strived to achieve absolutely perfect sex in our quest for sexual happiness. But what is perfect sex? We all know what we’ve seen in the movies, but that’s really nothing like it is in real life. Near flawless make-up, uncreased sheets, and perfect skin, without a single drop of perspiration … not really a true representation of what it’s like to get down and dirty with a partner, is it?
Truth is, perfect sex is whatever you want it to be, or whatever you need it to be! There are times when life throws you a curveball, so you’ve got to learn how to work with what you’ve got, and how to get the best from it. If you encounter any of these roadblocks when you want to get hot and heavy in the bedroom, don’t sweat it! I’ve given you some suggestions and ideas, so you can still get jiggy and have some fun!
Mother Nature – Periods
Ahh, the beautiful, life-giving, monthly cycle. Love them or loathe them, it’s something that pretty much every woman will have to contend with at some time in their lives. Unless you’re into hematolagnia (blood fetish), you may find that periods stop play, but do they really have to? Absolutely not!
Having sex whilst bleeding isn’t going to cause any physical harm, so if you’re both happy to continue, and have no issues with the potential mess, then go for it! Understandably though, some people don’t fancy going there when she has the ‘painters’ in, and intimacy can feel a little lacking until her period has stopped, so what can be done?
I think it’s important to enjoy being close to each other, no matter where you are in your calendar, and a bit of the red stuff shouldn’t stop that! Mutual masturbation (you can still enjoy clitoral play!) is awesome, but if you want to still emulate the act of making love, something like the Hot Octopuss Pulse II Duo could be the sex toy to make you very happy – providing one of you has a cock that is!
A wearable, vibrating and pulsing toy for him, that rests between your bodies and stimulates her clitoris. It’s a fantastic way of reproducing your favorite sex positions, with the intimacy you love, and it will give you both the pleasure you crave, but without the penetration. Sex in the shower during menstruation is also a great way to limit the mess and is always a lot of fun. Waiting for the flow to slow a little, may also be better for some people. Don’t let pesky periods stop play!
The Early Climax
You might think that climaxing too quickly is something which only affects men, but you’d be wrong! There are a lot of women who orgasm very quickly, and some can’t, or won’t continue on and have more pleasure. There are plenty of sources out there to help you train your body to respond to sexual stimuli differently, and hopefully slow the pleasure process down for you, but are there any quick fixes, that will allow you to enjoy each other straight away?
If you’re a guy, cock rings or delay products may help you to enjoy lengthier sex whilst you’re ‘in training’. If you do choose the delay product route, always make sure any products you apply topically are suitable for your partner too, you don’t want any bad reactions or painful body parts! The best piece of advice though, whether you’re male or female, is to focus more on foreplay, especially for the partner that takes longer to climax.
You really don’t need to jump into the main event too quickly, and it’s far better to make sure that the other person is satisfied sexually before you pop your own cork. You’ll feel a lot less guilty if you’ve made them orgasm already, and they won’t feel short-changed in any way. And if you’re the kind of person that just climbs on, gets your own orgasm, and rolls back off and goes to sleep? Sort yourself out! Both of you deserve to enjoy sex and get pleasure from it!
Sex And The Menopause
There are often a lot of conflicting stories when it comes to sex and menopause. The truth is, menopause will affect every woman differently, and what can be a problem for one, may not be a problem for another. The drop in Oestrogen and Testosterone can cause a drop in libido, but some women will notice the opposite effect, as their sex-drives soar.
Vaginal dryness is possibly the most common side effect of the menopause, and this can be remedied by using a really good quality lubricant. A water-based one, such as Sliquid, which is free from glycerin and parabens is a really good choice. They even have some flavored options so you can enjoy oral sex with them too.
If ‘hot sweats’ are a problem, it’s a good idea to invest in a good quality fan or air-conditioning in the bedroom, nobody is going to want to get even hotter and sweatier than they already are! If your sex-drive takes a nosedive, perhaps consider watching some porn or reading erotica. Some sensual massages, warm baths together, or mutual masturbation may also help to create the right mood. There’s no real right or wrong, just keep the intimacy and the lines of communication open, and do whatever feels right for you. Just remember, contraception is still an absolute must until 1-2 years post-menopause, because pregnancy isn’t impossible!
Just Don’t Have The Confidence
You could be the most confident person in the world, but one day, caution and apprehension will hit you out of nowhere, and you’ll lack confidence in something you want to do in the bedroom. It may even be something you’ve done before, without a worry. It’s natural, it happens to everyone, but it can feel ridiculously crippling when it strikes, and you struggle to see a way around it. Body issues, performance issues, life stresses … they can all contribute. Most people feel that confidence is sexy and that ultimately leads to you putting even more pressure on yourself. Well, stop! Take a step back, and make a plan to help ease you into what you’re trying to achieve.
Is lighting something that can be worked on? Pitch black romping may or may not be your thing, but the lights don’t necessarily need to be off to help you feel better. Soft, warm light is very flattering to the human form – It’s a bit like putting an Instagram filter on yourself. So dig out those fairy lights, or those romantic candles and soften the atmosphere and those harsh lines.
Want to give your partner a sexy striptease, but you’re too scared because you’re frightened of making a fool of yourself? Maybe consider introducing some gentle BDSM. Blindfolds and restraints are very sexy and will put you in charge of what your partner can see and touch. Sometimes, the excitement and arousal come from what you can’t see, it’s all in the imagination!
Sexy lingerie can be a huge turn on in the bedroom, but if you lack body confidence, basques and corsets can be a bit intimidating. Look at soft, flowing babydoll or chemises. They’re still sexy, but cover a little more flesh and may cover some of the parts you feel conscious about.
Bottom line, don’t force yourself to do things you’re uncomfortable with, and have fun!
Injuries or Disabilities
Whether it’s a temporary injury or a more permanent disability, any kind of physical impairment can be frustrating and debilitating in the bedroom. But why let it dictate to you? Instead of saying “I can’t do that”, why not say “I might not be able to do that in the traditional way, but how can I adapt it and make it work for me?” I was always taught that there’s no such thing as “can’t”, and I think it’s a good mantra to adopt when you’re looking for ways to overcome life’s unexpected blows.
Everybody’s situation will be different, but there are lots of products out there that could assist with many mobility issues. Sex furniture is an ever increasing market, and things like sex chairs and swings can work wonders and may help you to enjoy sex in the positions you’d like. My Liberator Wedge has certainly been a blessing for my dodgy back! Explore possibilities and try new things, you might surprise yourself.
Obviously, this isn’t an exhaustive list of issues, there will always be other things that stop your sexy time with your partner. Think outside of the box for them all, and remember, even the classic “Not tonight, Honey, I’ve got a headache” is now a problem with an answer – sex endorphins help alleviate the pain!
Play safe people x